We Can Be Heroes

by Julian Winters

Growing up, I struggled with reading. I simply couldn’t get into the books assigned to me in class and rarely read anything outside of what was required to pass a class. The main reason I found it difficult to immerse myself in any book is I couldn’t find any characters that represented me: a geeky, Black, gay kid.

Let me rephrase that: I did find characters that represented me, it’s just that their storylines always ended in three ways: (A) the character was a cut-and-paste stereotype that only existed in the background of the main character’s journey; (B) the character suffered some form of trauma that again only furthered the main character’s journey; (C) the character died. If I was lucky, I’d get all three in one book!

Where was the joy? Where were the happy endings for these characters?

It wasn’t until I was older that this narrative began to change. That’s okay. I survived high school. And all those books I read fueled my fire to write my own stories; to provide my own characters with that happy ending they deserved. But the teen-Julian living inside of me still craved the representation he was denied, so, in my late-twenties, I began a quest to read more current young adult novels.

Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg (Arthur A. Levine, 2013)

Enter Bill Konigsberg.

It was 2015, my brain was slowly stringing together ideas for my first YA novel, and I’d just devoured Benjamin Alire Sáenz’s masterful Aristotle and Dante Discovers the Secrets of the Universe. While wiping away those ugly tears the last half of that book provided, I browsed through the “If you liked this book, you might also like…” section of my Kindle, as one does at 2 AM. I stumbled upon Konigsberg’s Openly Straight, read the synopsis, and couldn’t believe it.

A whole book about a teen, who’s been openly out since the 8th grade, now trying to live a “normal” life in a new city, a new school where he’s not only known by one label: The Gay Kid.

As someone who came out to his friend group in an awkward, clumsy way, I related hardcore to the main character, Rafe. Everyone in my life kind of shrugged and accepted my sexuality. I know I was fortunate, but I was also given a new label: “The Gay Friend.” It wasn’t in a malicious thing, at least not to my friends, but it eliminated some of the other parts I loved about myself. Instead of being just the Funny Friend or the One Who Knows the Most Random Movie/TV Trivia Facts, I got all the questions related to being a stereotypical gay person.

I had become that character in all the books I hated growing up.

I dove into Openly Straight and refused to come up for air.

It was hilarious. It was heartfelt. Rafe’s journey was so authentic and relevant and hopeful, even when the book ended in a way I didn’t expect it to. I instantly re-read it. And then, in 2016, Konigsberg did it again with Honestly Ben, a book that I stayed up until 4 AM to read and cry over and feel as if teen-Julian had been vindicated.

And it felt so good to read these stories from an author who is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Someone who knew what it meant to be queer—the struggles along with the joys and pride.

I couldn’t stop shouting about how these books made me feel on social media. To my utter joy, there were hundreds of other people who felt the same. Readers, my age and younger, who felt seen between those pages.

In 2019, Bill Konigsberg gave the world The Music of What Happens, another book with queer main characters who had happy moments and struggles that didn’t end in death, that I felt in deep my bones. 2019 was also the year I attended my second YALLWEST in Santa Monica, California, as a published author. It was less than six months before my next YA novel, How to Be Remy Cameron, was to be released. I’d be lying if I said Imposter Syndrome had taken over my world.

My second book is all about labels and how they affect us. The main character is geeky, Black, and gay. To be honest, growing up without characters like Remy, without positive representation, made me second-, third-, and fourth guess whether I could tell this story. Whether the world even wanted Remy’s story.

Once again, enter Bill Konigsberg, who was also attending YALLWEST that year.

As a bookish nerd—and maybe a bit of an excited fan—I knew Bill would be there. I’d packed my copy of The Music of What Happens. I was armed with questions. I was ready to geek out at his signing event.

That is, until I got into line and proceeded to tremble nervously while waiting my turn to meet him.

In true Fanboy Julian Winters form, I stumbled while talking to him. I smiled way too hard. I got emotional. I thanked him repeatedly for the books he’d written. For two minutes, I couldn’t shut up.

But guess what? That didn’t matter.

Bill recognized me. He knew of my first book, Running with Lions. After signing The Music of What Happens, he asked if I could grab a copy of my book (because he couldn’t leave from his signing table) so I could sign it for him. Once again, I couldn’t believe it. I also couldn’t run fast enough back to my corner of the festival to grab a copy of Lions and run back to the autograph zone.

I signed a copy of a book that I wrote for Bill Konigsberg. He asked to take a selfie with me. He gave me a hug. 

The world gives us a million and one reasons why not to meet your heroes. It tarnishes the fantasy! They’re never like we expect them to be! You shouldn’t have heroes! They’re just people!

Okay, that last part is very accurate. They’re human. But, sometimes, your heroes are the ones that remind you that you’re a hero too. Maybe you haven’t accomplished as much as they have, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less of an inspiration for the next person.

Bill posted on social media about meeting me.

Before I left from his table, he told me to e-mail him. He wanted to blurb my second book when it was ready. He thanked me for writing my stories just as I’d thanked him.

For the rest of the day, I was walking on clouds.

I didn’t just meet an author that day. I met someone who’s continuously fought for books and representation for LGBTQIA+ teens. Someone who has openly fought against homophobia online and during events. Someone who offers mentorships to upcoming LGBTQIA+ authors wanting to tell their stories. Someone who has written countless books that queer readers, young and old, not only relate to, but have needed for too long.

Someone who knows how important it is to be proud of who you are.

And guess what? He loved my second book. He helped me find the confidence I needed to know I could definitely tell Remy’s story… and the world would want to read it.

Sometimes, it truly is wonderful to meet your heroes. I did. As I wrote this, I was overcome with that queer joy I thought I’d lost somewhere this year.

I’d missed it.

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Julian Winters is a best-selling author of young adult novels Running With Lions and How to Be Remy Cameron (Duet Books). Running With Lions is the recipient of an IBPA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award. How to Be Remy Cameron received a starred review from School Library Journal and was named a Junior Library Guild selection. Julian currently lives outside of Atlanta where he can be found reading, being a self-proclaimed comic book geek, or watching the only two sports he can follow—volleyball and soccer. His novel, The Summer of Everything, will be released in August 2020.